Connecting the dots

It's funny how timings work - the day after I decided that I didn't want this blog to have any connection to the outside world, I watched the following video of Amanda Palmer doing a talk on the art of asking, on the importance of putting yourself out there and connecting with people.

It has articulated something that I hadn't quite realised when I wrote that last post. Sending out things into the void that is the Internet without directing them at anyone is not the solution to anything. After watching that video, it even seemed a little cowardly. The truth is that the reason behind most things that we do is connection to others, and this is particularly the case with anything creative.

The process of creating can be in itself enjoyable (or at times it can be like pulling teeth in which case unless you are a die-hard masochist, there has to be another aim to what you are doing. Having had three wisdom teeth out, I can confirm that pulling teeth is far from fun) but nothing quite compares to the rush of someone who is not related or married to you / sleeping with you, (because we all know they are hopelessly biased towards you, which is in itself a very lovely thing) reading what you wrote, seeing what you created, and telling you that they enjoyed it.

Reaching across the void and touching someone else, that is the real aim. Even if it's one person, that one person makes it all worth it. But the only way to touch someone in any significant way is by creating things that come from a place of truth. I realised that if what I'm doing is simply imitating what others have done before to try and emulate their success, it won't work. Or if I'm doing it for any other reason than the love of the work and the desire to create that connection. Anything I've done under that motivation rings false, and quite frankly is crap.

So I guess that means baring all (as Amanda does so well in this hilarious open letter to the Daily Mail), not holding anything back. Going all in, going for broke.

I'm not quite there yet. The idea of exposing myself in such an intimate way (get your mind out of the gutter, we're back onto writing and off nudity) to people that I know and people that I don't know, is still far too terrifying. But writing on here without giving any thought to readership or judgement, that is my first tiny step. I guess that's the first step to anything, learning to accept yourself so completely that you no longer fear what the opinion of you will be.

I wonder what the next step will be.

On a lighter note, dear non-reader, I feel you should know that right now there is one cat draped across my stomach so that I have to type with one arm over him. This is a rather awkward position to hold and my right arm is aching a little as a result.

I have become very adept at typing with my arms in weird positions due to cat obstruction. Because of course neither of my cats have any interest in me until I am lying on the sofa with my laptop on my lap. (Our dining chairs are horrifically uncomfortable, and I cannot sit at them for more than 30 min at a time. Which is unfortunate as I do love a long lunch. It also means that my place of choice to type is curled up on the sofa).

To relieve said ache in my arm I am going to call it a day and go make myself a cup of tea. Would you like one?

An Epiphany

Writing a blog is a tricky thing, and starting a blog even more so. This isn't the first blog that I've started but I'm hoping that it will be the last.

Whenever taking my first cautious steps onto the slippery ice rink that is the blogging world I inevitably find myself looking around at other well established bloggers for guidance as to what I should be doing. This only serves to highlight the enormous gulf between them and little ol' me, in terms of content, readership, quality of photos, blog design, etc, which means that I end up in a frozen state of indecision as to where to start and wondering how I will ever climb the towering pile of Things To Be Achieved to make my blog successful. Chief amongst these things are selecting a theme for the blog and promoting it out there. The idea of the whole of the Internet peering in makes me want to drop the whole thing and retreat into a good book. Yes I realise how self absorbed and silly that sounds, but no matter how rational I tell myself to be, I cannot help but feel that the whole of the Internet is watching and reading anything I put out into the ether.

Anyway, I have so far never made it past a few months of blogging, convinced that either I don't write well, or that I haven't found the right theme, the right look, the right whatever, and must wait for the Muse to visit me with said missing idea before I can resume.

This blog was well on its way to becoming yet another prematurely aborted effort when I had an epiphany. It was late at night (which seems to be the preferred time for epiphanies to come grace us with their presence - they are clearly nocturnal creatures), a couple of weeks before Christmas. I can't remember why I couldn't sleep but there in the dark I realised the following life changing truth: no one is reading this blog. I was so excited at this revelation I didn't manage to get to sleep for a good hour or so.

Allow me to elaborate.

This is of course an obvious statement since there is nothing to read. For now. But soon I hope there will be a few more posts to keep these two company. However since I have no intention of promoting this blog, no one will know that it is here and therefore no one will come by to read it. To begin with, making this decision removes readership as a benchmark for success and that is freeing in itself. But more than that, realising that no one is reading means that there are no expectations other than my own. No need to follow any particular path other than the one I choose.

With no one reading this blog, it exists only for me and I can do exactly what I want with it without any  repercussions or judgement. I'm sure this is obvious to most people but I've only just arrived at this conclusion. Sometimes the most obvious things are the hardest ones to understand I guess.

That said, we always write for a reader, but this will be a reader of my imagining, my perfect audience. A reader equally enthralled by the list of books that I am reading / have read, as by the random facts and quotes I pick up, as by the occasional cat photo and anything else I decide to stick in. Yes there will be cat photos. Not right away but since I'm determined to become a better photographer and to take photos more regularly there will no doubt be cat photos amongst the bunch. And who doesn't like to look at adorable cats anyway.

So, dear non reader (as I now think of you) welcome again to my little corner of the internet. Yes I know I'm repeating the post from below, but it's a couple of months old now, and one can never be too welcoming. Especially with one's imaginary ideal audience.

Welcome Mat

Welcome, welcome.

This is my little corner of the internet, my living room if you will - and this post is my welcome mat. It's festive and red (even though my blog is blue - the joys of imagination) because Christmas is just around the corner.

Come in and sit on the comfy looking chair over there. It's the perfect size for curling up in (and it's even wide enough to accommodate a second person if you like snuggling a deux).

On that little gueridon table you'll find whatever you fancy drinking. Dream big. Not just tea but bergamot or camomile, Darjeeling or Lapsang Souchon (my personal favourite, and rather disappointingly it's hard to find in Hong Kong. Who'd have thought it!). I'm not a coffee drinker so I can't help you there, but go ahead and imagine yourself the most exotic coffee you can think of. The most indulgent hot chocolate. Mini marshmallows, whipped cream and any other sort of sprinkles are highly encouraged.

Or what about mulled wine or port (another favourite of mine). Gin and Tonic? Champagne? Even something as kitsch as Baileys? I promise won't tell anyone - no one's cool here, certainly not me.

The fire's crackling, there's your favourite music on (I'm far too considerate a host to impose my musical tastes on you), so we're all ready to start!

[Disclaimer - because of the time of year I might not get around to writing another post until the new year. But I wanted to welcome you all the same. And if I don't see you before - Merry Christmas!]